Depression At Its Finest

April Klusek
Salamanca High School
English 1510

The darkness consumes me; he manifests himself inside of me. He whispers sick, cynical secrets that I never knew about myself. He lingers through my veins, contaminating my body with hate and obscurity. The poison spreads deeper within me until it eventually crawls its way into my head. He shrieks words of resentment and affliction. The lacerations on my thigh, these battle scars, give me the courage to fight against this darkness. Its a constant war within my mind; a ghastly battle on a daily basis.

I lie in bed, a cadaverous girl, pale and numb. I wait lifelessly, ready for the darkness to devour me. As if someone has violently kicked down the door to my mind, I am greeted by my old friend. I am locked inside of a cage with him, fear trickling within my body, my soul, but I am the one who will survive. The darkness taunts me, howling heinous names at me, each word feeling like a punch to the face. I brush off the painful wounds, not allowing it to break me. The sweat drips down the side of my forehead next to my ears. My hands become clammy; my lips chapped. I begin to shake in dismay, fearful of what could happen next. I plant my roots, standing tall like a tree, unable to be knocked down.

The darkness cackles hideously, as if he is eager to find a way to pulverize me. He circles around me, searching for any form of weakness I may possess. I feel powerless as I wait anxiously for his next move. Something burns inside of me, the anger claws it’s way out. Why do I feel broken down to the point where I expect him to make a move without me reacting? That gives the darkness power to overcome me. Something snaps inside of me, as I let out what I thought was an ear piercing scream, but only could be heard as a diminutive whisper. I step back, confused and more nervous than ever. I listen as my heart pounds rapidly in my ears, like a rabbit being chased by its predator.

My back is up against a wall; there is no where to escape to. The darkness punches me with broken promises, slaps me with heart breaking memories, and cuts me with hateful words that he fills my head with. A thief, he found my weakness. Is it easier to give up? My eyes burn with resentment, hatred, and pain. The sound of my tears plummeting to the earth echoed throughout the cage. The pain becomes overbearing as I am now too weak to fight anymore. I lie on the floor, wishing it was all over. I watch as he circles around me once more. A wounded girl, a shattered soul, paralyzed with fear from the darkness surrounding her. He glares at me maliciously before I am completely drowning in a sea of darkness.

I am woken up by the bright beams of sunlight peering into my room through my window. The feeling of exhaustion aches throughout my body as I maneuver my way to the bathroom. The reflection I see in the mirror is someone I do not recognize. I reach for the concealer and foundation on the top shelf and set it on the sink. I make my face less pale and drench the black and blue rings under my lifeless eyes with concealer. I smile and prepare for the upcoming battle with myself again later that night.

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